the 2000’s

i admit
to suffocating my heart
for the sake of love
of longing for desire

i admit
to suffocating my mind
with the knowledge
that no one knows

i admit
to suffocating my soul
and choking the life
from my limp body

i admit
to suffocating my body
from the world i know
for no purpose

i admit
to suffocating my faith
which left me behind
because i’m different

i admit
to sometimes compromising
what is best for me
by doing what i should not

i admit
to sometimes not admitting
that what i need
i don’t know

i admit
to sometimes forgetting
to tell people
that i do care

i admit
to sometimes misrepresenting
the falsities of life
to those i love

i admit
to sometimes not overlooking
the little things and
ignoring things too large

i admit
to being selfish
because i wanted you
to want me to want you

i admit
to being afraid
of living alone
not knowing someone

i admit
to being careless
with my heart
the few pieces left

i admit
to being stupid
and not admitting
that i can learn new things

i admit
to being arrogant
but sometimes
i am better

i admit
to assuming too much
and knowing too little
of the truth

i admit
to knowing too little
and trusting too openly
those i don’t know

i admit
to trusting too openly
and confessing too often
with my heart wide open

i admit
to confessing too often
and hiding too much
from those who care

i admit
to hiding too much
and i admit
that i do need you

life frustrating
hating
contemplating
not updating
days blazing
thoughts gnawing
dwindling
counting
pains ailing
razors scraping
ropes knotting
pills mixing
piercing
scratching
screaming
ending

i was hating
not updating
life so frustrating
did some waiting
contemplating
here now sitting
lets get celebrating

open up your eyes
to a new world
start a new life
break free from the past
forget all the strife
and know that it won’t last

only in your minds eye
can you begin to see
step up from the stages
you’ve been living in
away from the cages
and everywhere you’ve been

cages or wings
which do you prefer
ask the bird

only in your minds eye
can you begin to see
take a leap flying
you can conceive
on a new wing
you just simply believe

cages or wings
which do you prefer
ask the bird

a tumultuous affair began years ago
the white lady was simple
yet so very addictive
she drew me into her world
from the very first time
it was an affair i’d never experienced

i continued the affair without hesitation
the white lady took over my life
she told me what to do
she told me how to act
my friends no longer knew me
it was an affair i’d never give up on

life became a numb, mindless event
the white lady would not let me go
further into her world of destruction
i could not stop myself from going
her grip was too tight to leave
it was an affair that’d take my life

a powder like snow
the white lady

the feeling inside
of this sad boy
the act he puts on
the constant show
he’s forgotten the truth
for his world of deceiving

he’s just this sad boy
doing sad things
living his sad world
his escape are the powders
the whiteness of show
and the bourbon that burns

no one knows him
although everyone sees him
he’s on every street corner
in everyone’s view
just a sad boy
doing sad things

you don’t believe me
i tell you
it’s not your fault
it’s nothing you did
and nothing you said
i have my demons
the voices in my head

the tortures i bear
should come to no man

i try to put the voices away
but i can’t ignore them
they’ve become too loud
too demanding
too overwhelming
simply too much…

i can’t see the future
for the past
they won’t let me forget
i relive yesterday as today
tomorrow is just a cloud

for so long now

these feelings have existed

they have tormented

the need to be loved

to feel loved

the simplest of desires

the basic of needs

i feel as though

i’ve said so much

without saying anything at all

actions should speak so loud

yet they haven’t

you say i had my chance

and maybe i did

i don’t know

maybe i’m crazy

that was then, this is now

but i thought you never gave up hope

so many years of hope

maybe i should now

just go or go ahead

move on and away

i’ve carried these thoughts for a while now

maybe the vision is clear

i should realize the truth

but the truth is so hard

so just go

or go ahead

i long

for the words
to express

the poet

that is i

they
have not come

so easily

as of late

the thoughts

just don’t think

the poet

does not
have

the poetry

the long road ahead
many miles already gone
once a life of dread
for the long ride home

looking back at the movies

the movies of my life
i see the pain and tears
the long road of strife

and through the past

i’ve grown so strong

i look to the future
of a life so long

i stop for a glance

before it’s all gone
one last look at life

for the long ride home